December 4. 8:59 am

This sport is full of conflicting emotions. I want him to be at track every day. Yet I know that I no longer have feelings for him. So why do I make sure my make up looks great before i go down to see him. Why do i want to flirt with him and take his attention away from everyone else? Perhaps because I dont want him to move on. Maybe its because I want to stay good friends with him but I know that it wont happen unless he liikes me. Also, we're becoming better friends but I know that I will never be her best friend. No matter how close we get, no matter how many secrets we share, she'll never say that I am her best friend. As much as I want to be close to her, to share secrets with her and call her my best friend the feeling will never be mutual. Because she puts more value in time than relationship. I wish she could give me more. But for now i suppose I will have to just settle for what i have. Another thing would be my anti-eagle. Hes IN the chicken noodle soup with the dinosaur crackers but I cant ever flirt with him with out my never to be best friend getting mad at me. Clearly they will never go out. But she is still hopeful. Oh well, there is only so much I can do. This sport is full of conflicting emotions.

December 3. 8:21

Dear Reader,
 
   This has gotten out of hand. How do I possibley like him? WHY do i possibley like him? This just isnt fair to her or him. because i know that half heartedly I can not give my all to Ty. Yes, I like him very much and I hope someday we can go out. But I cant help but like him. He's the flirtatious boy that everyone can't help but fall for. So what if he's my ex..and my friends future boyfriend? I cant deny my heart of its rights. So in the end i have to give in. I'll talk to him. I'll flirt with him and hug him in the hallways. But I will never admit that I like him. I will never mess things up with my friend ever. I'll help them get together but secretly I'll be dying inside. Because my heart lusts for him to be mine. I can tell him things i cant tell anyone else. This has gotten out of hand.